Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Chat with XFL; Why leaving can be a good thing.

Recently I had an IM conversation with XFL, it was our first time communicating since Thanksgiving; basically it showed me I was right to leave him and that if anything he has gotten less mature since I left.

His drinking and violence had been getting out of control in the months before I left, he said he’d work on it, he didn’t. I expected talking to him would make me miss him and the town that I left when I left him, but it didn’t. I was glad to be gone; relieved, sad, angry, and grateful that I was no longer part of what he was doing.

Here’s some of that conversation (Edited to remove personally identifying details and a bit of small talk, as well as to improve grammar and spelling.):

XFL: Had a drinking contest with (upstairs neighbor) the other night; don't remember the last bar we went to... don't remember a whole lot after that... totally trashed the house in some kind of _____ (fill in the blank) of destructive energy, knocked over the bookshelf.

XFL: but it's all mostly cleaned up now.

XFL: Oh, I quit smoking.

Chopsticks: Fuck you.

Chopsticks: Although I am not surprised, that is typical behavior on your part.

XFL: Yeah, I realized I was mostly just doing it to piss you off (or at least, since you didn't want me to, I couldn't tell if I really wanted to).

Also, my little brother was disappointed when he found out, which really hurt.

Side note: I wanted him to quit smoking because (as I mentioned in a previous post) being around any cigarette smoke at all gives me bronchitis.

This next part really sums up the essential reason the relationship had to end. He never respected me. He never “gave a fuck” and he probably never will.

XFL: But I am a whole lot happier now than I was, you know what I mean?

Chopsticks: Ummm, no not really, but I am not un-happy about specific things so much. I was un-happy with certain things and I changed them, so now really I think I need to work on my self-confidence, if that makes any sense.

XFL: Yeah – I know what you mean; I need to work on giving a fuck about what anybody else thinks/feels (without specifically deciding to do it).

Lesson learned. People generally don’t change. If you don’t like who they are, or if who they are is destructive to you get out and stay away.

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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, he's such an arrogant ass. What did he think he was accomplishing there? "I'm so cool and I'm having so much fun and things are better now that you're not around." Or was it more like "Look at me, I'm falling apart without you, don't you want to come back and save me?"

January 18, 2007 at 12:43 PM
Chopsticks said...

It was supposed to be the "I'm so cool and things are better now that you're not around."

But really it showed me that things had digressed to exactly where I feared they would.

I am so glad I don't have to deal with his drunkenness anymore. It was embarrassing and scary.

January 18, 2007 at 12:47 PM
Christopher said...

I can't imagine how hard that must have been to deal with.

I have to wonder that if you had met him later in life, say, at age 20 or 21 would you still have given him a chance to show you the good things in him?

January 18, 2007 at 2:10 PM
Chopsticks said...

I really can't say what would have happened if I hadn't met him until last year or this year (by the way he was 19 when I met him - he is 25 now), as my life would have most likely gone in a completely different direction had I not met him when I did (more on that in a future post perhaps).

I can say with complete certainty that I will never choose to be around with someone who does some of the negative things that he did. Whether or not someone will have the opportunity to show me their good side will depend on when I see their bad side and whether or not I am willing to put up with it. I will not allow anyone to abuse me emotionally verbally or physically, so if that is what they do when I first meet them, no, I will not let them show me the good things in them. The abuse isn't worth it.

January 18, 2007 at 2:38 PM

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The Cast

These are the people who will be making re-occurring appearances in my blog. The cast may grow, shrink, or simply change with time. This is meant merely as a quick reference sheet to some of the players both for me, and for you.

Family

Mom Sarcastic, witty, caring, sometimes we drive each other crazy. I wouldn't trade her for anything (yes mom, I know you read this - I would write it regardless).
Dad Caring, artistic, musical, annoys me by pretending to know things he doesn't or by not knowing the things I want him to know. I wouldn't trade him for anything either (he doesn't read this…as far as I know).
LB = Little Brother Smart but lazy, my 18 year old brother spends most of his time in his room. He just started university (it was either that or get a job).

Females

FF = Forum Friend Although we have only met twice in real life, I love this girl. She is sarcastic, smart, fun, caring, and very picky about her coffee. She’s had a bit more life experience than I, so she’s a good one to talk to when I need advice.
SLN = Same Last Name A girl I knew in high school, then met again at university, then met again back in Hometown who has the same last name as I do. She is talkative, superficial, and occasionally artistic. She is a rather bad friend, but if you need someone to drink with you can call her (just don’t expect her to show up when or where you planned on).
PIPF = Pseudo-Intellectual Pseudo-Feminist A girl I knew in high school and re-met in Hometown. She is exactly like the pseudonym – a pseudo-intellectual pseudo-feminist. She takes great joy in being a bitch and in trying to be “unique” (although she sees it as being unique rather than as trying).
HSM = High School Mom A girl (younger than me) who I knew in high school. I re-met her back in Hometown. She has a kid and an ex-husband. Not too smart, but sweet, she likes to party and recently turned 21.

Males

XFL = Ex-First-Love The boy I spent ages (late) 15 - (early) 21 with. We lived together and loved each other for more than 5 years. I still miss him, but as a best friend rather than a lover at this point. He is incredibly smart.
XFLXRM = Ex-First-Love’s Ex-Roommate My ex’s old roommate/best friend. He is a sadistic narcissistic asshole, and he knows it. He is also incredibly smart. We still chat from time to time.
XFLHTF = Ex-First-Love’s Home-Town Friend My ex’s other (earlier) roommate’s ex-boyfriend, lives in Hometown. I first met him when the ex and I first started dating, and recently re-met him. He is full of energy, and quite smart. There is nothing at all romantic between us and that feeling is mutual (for once) which is nice.
JFPB = Just Friends Poetry Boy I met this boy in poetry class in university. I have known him for about 3 years. He has the potential to be smart, but he is too much of a stoner to ever utilize it. He is also creepily obsessed with me.
JFSB = Just Friends Short Boy This boy went to the same high school that I went to… at a different time. He is nearly a foot shorter than I am. He knew my little brother before he knew me. He is sweet and loyal, and we will never be anything more than friends although I suspect that is what he hopes for.
XMJF = Ex-Military Just Friends Boy A nice guy to have coffee with. He is smart and we hold diametrically opposed views on just about everything so he is a good person to debate things with. He would like a more-than-friends status but knows it will not happen and accepts that.
XMNTBB = Ex-Military Not-too-bright Boy Not too nice, not too smart. He showers attention on girls unless they pay attention to him. Has dated many girls in Hometown, we are all known as “alcoholic slutty crazy bitches” to him now.
NTBRBB = Not-too-bright Re-bound Boy Sweet (until I broke up with him), not very smart, and very in to material possessions.
RBNB = Rich Bad News Boy I met him through his writing on his blog. He is a narcissistic asshole. He is also friends with SBNB and NTBRBB.
SBNB = Smart Bad News Boy I met him through his blog and through RBNB. We kind of had a thing – for a little bit. He is very smart and quite sexy. He also plays a ton of games and turns most situations around so that he is the “victim” which is his favorite and often-played role.